"Do not judge, and you will
not be judged.
Do not condemn, and you will not be
condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
Luke 6:37 (NIV)
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It's not always true for all musicians. Not everyone believes that our music should express who we are. I know schooled musicians who think music is supposed to sound the way music is SUPPOSED to sound. It has been played a certain way for hundreds of years and that is how everyone should do it, or they are doing it wrong. Then I've known players who go to the opposite extreme. They think that the music you play should be so original that no one could possibly recognize it as being music. When music becomes a sincere expression of our own personalities and our own lives, we find ourselves somewhere between these two extremes.
For me, personal expression has always been the one thing I've found most appealing about performing music. I like the idea of saying something meaningful through my music...and that it could be just as meaningful to others but for reasons completely unrelated to why it is meaningful to me. Music is funny that way. What it means to us as musicians is never what it means to the audience.
But that doesn't really matter. Through music, we are communicating on a different level. We are not communicating facts and detailed ideas. Instead, we are communicating on a more spiritual level. I hesitate to put it that way because it sounds so new-age to use the word "spiritual" this way. But the spirituality of music is a Biblical truth.
One of the greatest disappointments in my career has been with jazz as a genre. I was drawn to jazz because it was heralded as the one style of music where a musician could express himself most truthfully. I don't know if it's just the age we live in and the fact that jazz has become an antique art form, but it seems to me that self expression has given way to preservation.
Look at the guys who are playing the "hip modern stuff" today. None of them are doing anything that wasn't done in the 1960's. In fact, even the verbal language jazz musicians use hasn't changed in fifty years. We still call each other "cat" and use the words "hip" and "cool". Jazz has become more about preservation than about expression and to that end is extremely constrictive to personal musical expression.
Yet, I hesitate to say so because there are others who say they feel the same way. But those people think that expression can only be found in the moment and they fall into the same trappings that caused jazz to stall in it's progress in the 1960's. To them, becoming "more expressive" as a jazz player means that your music should sound even MORE strange and incomprehensible than those who came before you. I don't agree with this either.
I'll never forget when I put a "modern" recording of jazz on my stereo system and my dog went up to the speaker, bared her teeth, and growled as if some demonic spirit had entered our house. I had never seen that sort of response from an animal towards music. They say that "music can calm the savage beast", but they failed to mention that the opposite was also true.
I have often heard people compare modern jazz to "traffic noise". This comparison came from different people at different stages of my life who never knew each other. It just shows what jazz has become as a musical genre.
Now let me see...
When I dig deep down into my soul to find the music that rests within me, what does it sound like?
Traffic noise?
NO!
If I play jazz that sounds like traffic noise, I am being musically insincere. I am a Christian and my desire is to "express" the fruits of the spirit. People who listen to my music should hear those fruits, not traffic noise. When I perform, I should be expressing things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. What image does traffic noise portray in your mind? To me it is almost the complete opposite of the fruits of the spirit; impatience being at the top of the list.
For this reason, I have felt as if I am drifting farther and farther away from the jazz idiom. I love the feel of swing music. I enjoy improvisation. But the box we are almost forced to fit into doesn't fit well with my spirit. I feel unsettled when I perform jazz and also when I listen to it.
Musically, I am at a place in my career today where I desire to create an entirely new style. In fact, the first steps in this process have already been taken. I divorced myself from the "traffic noise" some time ago, the first tangible result of this was my composition for brass trio called "Four Vignettes". This was the first composition that I consciously turned my back on so called "modern music" and wrote what sounded like the fruits of the spirit to me. I do believe I can create a new style of music out of that, but it's going to be very difficult to grow that music without other musicians to grow it with.
I do still perform and teach jazz. I am a professional player and I play all styles with the same enthusiasm. It is part of what I am known for. When given the opportunity, I try to bring as much of the fruits of the spirit as I can into my jazz improvisation. So I guess what I'm saying here is that I know this is not what sells.
This is my roundabout way of emphasizing the importance of expression in music. I am telling this Expression of Grace story in first person because it is a true story that I experienced first hand. But the truth of the importance of expression in music is universal and applies to everyone. Without it, we might as well not even perform. We have midi and other technology that can easily reproduce the notes better than we can live. But when we use our music as a vehicle for communicating, from one living soul to another, it is no longer about the notes.
There are many things that can distract us from this simple truth...
Our musical standards can distract us from expressing ourselves. I don't think a lot of musicians get that. Not the schooled ones anyway. I guess it's due to the way we are raised. We have "standards" to live up to and rules to follow. We are constantly judged by those standards and some musicians spend their entire lives chasing that goal.
But personal musical expression transcends those standards. When we are truly expressive, we pull out of the rat race and create new standards, a new language and later a new audience.
Other people are distracted by originality, mistakenly thinking of it as the ultimate goal in music. They only value that which has never been done before and in their efforts to achieve this lofty objective, they dive deeper and deeper into the depths of weirdness and irrelevance. The end result of their efforts is a music that is so insincere that those musicians cannot even recognize their own work.
Trying to stay up with what's popular can also distract us from being more expressive. When another musician is successful, it seems easier and more convenient to ride on their coat tails than to do the musical soul searching which would lead to sincere self expression. This is true regardless of the genre. Even the so called "hip" jazz players have tapped into certain licks that once were a sincere expression of the originally "hip" players but are now copied by hundreds of copycats. We see this all the time in pop music, but it really happens everywhere.
Money, as a distraction, is simply an extension of the popularity distraction. The main reason why most people are distracted by popularity is because it pays. I recently hung out with a musician who is originally from Houston but now lives and works in L.A. He admitted that the reason he plays so much "smooth jazz" is because it pays so well and that he is actually getting tired of it. He greatly desires to do something more meaningful, more expressive, but he feels trapped because he has to make a living.
When we are distracted from being expressive in our music, what we do then becomes insincere. I actually think that musical insincerity is actually the industry standard and that most people may not recognize the difference anymore. But that doesn't mean we should all give up on personal musical expression.
I am in no way criticizing anyone for doing what they need to make a living. I know as well as anyone that what we do to make a living is not typically the music we associate with on a personal level. As professional musicians, we all must do what we need to in order to make a living. When we perform, we should put our heart and soul into the music and be as sincere as possible, regardless of the style or the context.
If you are a non-musician reading this story, it is important for you to know that the gigs we play as professional musicians are considered work to us. And for the majority of us pros, we only gain musical gratification during those rare opportunities when we get to perform the music we want to perform. For all the other performances, we are providing a service to you, the audience.....performing for you the music that you desire to hear. I cannot speak for all musicians, but I actually enjoy performing from a service perspective. I actually LIKE playing the music that pleases YOU (many musicians don't - but act as if they do - all so you will enjoy yourself all the more). But it is rare for a musician, especially the more advanced ones, to enjoy performing the music you enjoy listening to.
When I talk about expression with some musicians, the subject seems to always come up about being filled with the Holy Spirit and letting THAT be your source of expression. This contrasts what I believe - that music should be an expression of our own feelings. They think that the Holy Spirit should be expressing THROUGH us.
I do not believe that being filled with the Holy Spirit is anything like being possessed by a demon. The Bible does say that we should sing praises in His strength, not our own. But I have never read anything that says that we cease to be who we are and no longer have a personal voice or a personal choice when we perform.
Some people compare performing jazz improvisation to speaking in tongues. But when we speak in tongues, this is supposed to be a message that is given to us that we share with those around us. We have the choice to share it or not share it. I am ashamed to admit that there have been times when I felt the tongues welling up within me and I quelled them (perhaps I am not the only person who has made this mistake). Other times I have let those words out in spoken language and in musical voice. The mere fact that I chose not to share the messages when I should have proves that there is personal choice in matters relating to the Holy Spirit.
When we perform music, the expression is ours in much the same way that someone can be expressive while reading a story out loud. The message may come from God, but the expression of that message is something very personal.
Expression In Different Styles
This may sound like a contradiction at first, but I believe that you can be sincere in the way you express yourself, musically, no matter what style you play. Yes, I know I just began this page of the story by denouncing jazz as a performance idiom. I think I am more disappointed with the culture of jazz than I am with the music itself. It is possible to be expressive and true to oneself, even as a Christian, in a jazz context. Jazz does NOT HAVE to sound like traffic noise. But good luck finding anyone to play with if you don't want to sound that way.
to be continued....
Music should be an expression of who we are and what we are feeling. There are many distractions that tempt us away from the sincerity of our music and we should guard against that if we are to avoid performance anxiety.
1) What do you express in your music? Are you trying to be more original? Are you trying to live up to a standard? Are you simply playing what you play to make money?
2) Is your music sincere? Is the way you perform consistent with your feelings and beliefs?
3) Do you hate the music you perform? Does it make you angry or impatient? Are you dissatisfied with what you express as a player?
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